It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
