Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
