walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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