decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
