omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
