I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
