i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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