I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize