That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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