My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
