Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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