I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found puke in my bra..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
