You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
