And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
