The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
