And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize