a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
