the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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