in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
