don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
