I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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