i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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