my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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