I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
