if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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