we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
