Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
