New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
