is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
