If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
