i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
