What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm having to shit out rocks
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
