dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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