I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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