Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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