A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
