I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
