ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize