Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
