'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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