I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
