I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
