I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
