STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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