apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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