I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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