he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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