When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
