Define "chronic" masturbator.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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