Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
