I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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