it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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