you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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