i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
