my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
