I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
