Can Purell be used as lube?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize