Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
