Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
