i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
whose parrot is this?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
