Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
