I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
