Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're too hungover to prance.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
