3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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