I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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