sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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