the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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