I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
