I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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