But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
