i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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