apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Rumble strips road head = magical
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
