If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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