is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
