You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
