Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
