he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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