u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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