No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
