i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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