She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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