I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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