hell yes lets make some ravioli
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
