do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
