when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
this is an emotional support booty call
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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