Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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