if you like me you must not know who I am
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
