So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
