just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
