Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
