Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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