he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
