make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
