my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
