I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize