wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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