Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
someone get that fucking seahorse.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
