im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
