So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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