Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
