**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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