I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
