i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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