i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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