I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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