I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
