I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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