So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
